Justice for Hope Page 16

  “Last month, when I told you I was going to California to talk at a conference…I wasn’t being honest with you,” he started.

  “I know.”

  Calder blinked. “What?”

  “I know. Hayden told me today.”

  He wasn’t sure whether to be relieved or pissed. “It wasn’t her place,” he grumbled under his breath.

  Hope squeezed his hand. “She shared for good reason. I…I haven’t been honest with you either.”

  Calder’s brows furrowed. “About what?”

  “There have been a few letters that have been delivered to the house.”

  His stomach clenched. “What did they say?”

  “The first said, ‘Hope your happy.’ Complete with the wrong spelling of ‘you’re.’ The second one said, ‘Don’t get comfortable.’ I didn’t tell you about them because I thought they were from Earle. I felt horrible that I’d brought him to your doorstep. I didn’t want you to get hurt.”

  “And the last?” Calder bit out.

  “‘Mine.’”

  “Fuck!” Calder tried to jackknife up and out of the seat, but couldn’t do it elegantly or quickly.

  Hope grabbed his shirt and held on. “Calder, listen!”

  “No. Jesus, Hope. I can’t believe you didn’t tell me.”

  “I just…I didn’t want to have to leave!” she blurted.

  Her words stopped Calder in his tracks. “Explain,” he ordered.

  Hope took a deep breath. “I thought Earle sent them. That he was warning me he would be coming for me soon, and so I’d have to disappear again. I was trying to protect you,” she finished, not able to look Calder in the eyes as she said it.

  Calder tried to calm down. He had no right getting pissed when he’d kept secrets from her as well. But he wanted to rail at her for even thinking about leaving him. For keeping something so huge from him. If she really wanted to protect him, she should’ve told him about the letters so he could be on the lookout for her ex.

  “Do you really think this isn’t Earle?” she asked before he could say anything. “I mean, those letters could’ve come from him. He always claimed I was his and that I could never leave him.”

  “I’m sure,” Calder told her. “Trust me. Between Beth and her friend, Tex, they investigated him thoroughly. It wasn’t him.”

  “Then who? Who tried to take Billy today? And why? I don’t understand.”

  Calder wrapped his arms around Hope and tucked her head under his chin and held on tight as she shook. “I don’t know. Unfortunately, it could be almost anyone. Your name was all over the news, everyone knows you won a million dollars. Maybe someone’s jealous. Or maybe it’s one of the people you knew from the streets…some may not like that you’ve moved on and gotten so lucky. Maybe it’s someone who’s upset with me and is trying to hurt those I love to get to me. I’ve testified on some pretty horrific murder cases. Last year there was even a killing tied loosely to the mob. And we can’t discount Joseph. The diner was burned down before you got any letters, so he could be the target.”

  He looked down and saw Hope was staring up at him with an unreadable expression. “What? What’s wrong?” he asked.

  “Trying to hurt those you love?”

  Calder’s mouth dried up and he felt as if he’d been sucking on lemons. He hadn’t meant to blurt it out like that, but now that he’d said it, he wasn’t going to take it back. “You have to know how important you are to me,” he said.

  Hope nodded.

  “I love you, Hope. You and Billy have literally changed my life. I can’t imagine a day going by when I don’t get to see you or talk to you. I get excited to see what Billy’s learned at school each day and I’m in total awe of him because even though he doesn’t talk, he’s got tons of friends and he’s reading at a fourth-grade level. The thought of anything happening to either of you makes me insane, and I want to lock you both in this house and wrap you in bubble wrap so no one can hurt you or say anything mean to you for the rest of your lives. If you had left me…”

  His voice cracked, and he cleared his throat before continuing. “If you had left me, I would’ve searched every inch of the country until I found you again. So, yeah…I love you.”

  “I’ve been lying about something else too,” Hope whispered.

  Calder’s arms tightened around her. He was disappointed she was changing the subject, but he wasn’t going to call her on it. “What’s that?”

  “Well, not lying, per se, but not being completely honest.”

  “Spit it out, hon. Whatever it is, we’ll figure it out and move on from here.”

  “I don’t want to sleep in your guest room anymore. Billy has his own room and is doing great, thanks to you and Joseph. I know you were the one at first who didn’t want to jump into bed together, and you were more than clear when you let me know you were ready. But I knew if I slept with you, and had to leave to protect you, it would kill me. I know it was stupid, I should’ve been soaking up every bit of affection I could get before I left, but I was trying to protect myself too. But instead, I was kidding myself. Leaving without knowing how you feel inside me, and above me, would hurt more than not ever knowing.”

  They stared at each other for a moment before Calder groaned and swooped down to kiss her. He knew they should probably talk more about her ex. About who might have tried to get to Billy. But he couldn’t think about anything other than taking Hope to his bed and making slow, sweet love to her all night long.

  They made out on the beanbag for what could’ve been minutes or an hour before Calder reluctantly pulled back. He licked his lips, tasting her lip gloss on them, which made him want to kiss her all over again. But he took a deep breath and tried to concentrate. “I didn’t want to rush you.”

  “You’re not rushing me. I want you, Calder.”

  He grinned and shook his head in exasperation. “So we could’ve been doing this way before now, huh?”

  She returned his smile. “I guess so.”

  “I want you in my bed, sweetheart, but be sure. If you come upstairs with me right now, I won’t let you go. I already don’t want to let you go but the feeling will be even deeper after I have you. There will be no more sleeping in the guest room. Tomorrow, I’ll move all your things into the master bedroom and we’ll figure out something to tell Billy.”

  In response, Hope began to struggle to stand.

  Disappointed, but vowing never to force Hope into anything she didn’t want, Calder helped her stand by palming her ass and pushing, helping her escape the clutches of the beanbag.

  She stood in front of him and held out her hand. “I don’t want to sleep in the guest room anymore. I told you that. Billy won’t think twice about me sleeping in your room as he loves you just as much as I do.”

  Hearing the words come from her lips made Calder inhale sharply. He wasn’t going to let her take them back. He reached up and clasped her hand, letting her assist him up and out of the beanbag, which felt as if it was trying to suck him back in even as he was standing. He immediately picked her up with one arm under her knees and the other around her back.

  She quietly squealed, ever aware of her sleeping son and Joseph, and wrapped her arms around his neck.

  Calder strode quickly toward the stairs, shivering when her lips latched on to the side of his neck and she began to stroke him with her tongue. Tilting his head to give her more room, he said, “You keep that up and we might not even make it to our room.”

  “Our room,” she murmured, running her fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck. “I like the sound of that.”

  Calder growled low in his throat. When she nuzzled the underside of his chin and said, “I’ve always wondered what your beard would feel like against my skin,” he truly almost lost control. The images her words evoked were so carnal, Calder could hardly breathe.

  “You’re about to find out,” he said gruffly.

  “Thank God,” was Hope’s whispered reply.


  Chapter Thirteen

  Calder kicked the door shut and immediately strode to his bed. He put Hope down, then dropped over her, crawling with her as she scooted back into the middle of the mattress.

  Hope could hardly believe she was here in his bed. She’d fantasized about it so often, she’d begun to think it would never happen. When she stopped, he lowered his hips until they were pressed to hers, his erection hot and hard against her.

  “Last chance to back out,” he said.

  “Why would I want to do that?” she asked. “But to make it clear, I love you, Calder Stonewall. I’ve been wanting to be right here for quite a while.”

  Without a word, Calder’s head dropped and he kissed her. He didn’t start off slow though, his tongue immediately plunging inside her mouth, wrapping around her own sensuously.

  Hope speared her fingers into his short hair and held him to her as she returned his kiss with equal fervor. After a moment, he pulled back and began to nuzzle her neck. One hand shifted under her shirt and moved upward. He palmed her breast over her bra, which made Hope arch her back into his touch. She wanted more. Wanted to feel him against her bare breast.

  But before things went too far, she had to ask him something.

  “Calder?”

  “Yeah?” he asked, even as he nipped at the tendon in the side of her neck.

  “I haven’t done this in a while. Not since my ex. I’m not on anything…I stopped taking my pills when I left Seattle and haven’t been back to a doctor to get them started again.”

  Calder propped himself on his elbows above her. She could feel him from thighs to chest. She felt surrounded…and safe. She moved her hands down to hold on to the sides of his shirt as she waited for his response.

  “I’ve got condoms,” he said. “I bought them the day after you moved in. Not because I had any expectations of anything happening between us, but because I hoped something would someday. But I’ve wanted you practically since I met you. And to put your mind at ease, I haven’t been with anyone in years myself.”

  Hope raised an eyebrow skeptically.

  “Seriously. I dated quite a bit in my early thirties, but when relationship after relationship ended, I got more and more cynical about women in general. After a while, I stopped trying altogether and concentrated on work.”

  “Okay,” Hope whispered, happy that he hadn’t been with a woman recently. It wouldn’t have made her change her mind, but it definitely made her feel less awkward that she wasn’t the only one who hadn’t done this in a while.

  “How would you feel about going back on the pill?” he asked. “I mean, I’m happy to wear condoms, but I know the lubricant on them, not to mention the latex itself, can bother some women.”

  She chuckled. “And it has nothing to do with the fact that you don’t really want to wear them?”

  Calder wasn’t amused. “This has nothing to do with me and everything to do with you, Hope. I don’t mind wearing condoms because I don’t know what I’m missing. I’ve never made love to a woman without one before. I want what’s best for you. If they’re irritating to you, then we’ll figure something else out.”

  Hope stared up at Calder. He wasn’t kidding. His concern for her safety and well-being never ceased to surprise her.

  “Were you serious about wanting kids?” she asked.

  He blinked in surprise but recovered quickly. “Yes.”

  “Then it’s probably better if I don’t go back on the pill. It can take a while for the hormones to leave a woman’s body. We can use condoms for now.”

  Calder groaned and closed his eyes. He didn’t move otherwise, and Hope had an up-close and personal view of the many emotions flitting across his face.

  “Calder?”

  His eyes popped open and Hope felt almost burned by the emotions shining through his brown gaze. “I’m going to ask you to marry me. Not now. But probably sometime soon. I don’t want to wait to start on a brother or sister for Billy. I’m not getting any younger and I don’t want to be sixty and still having to change diapers.”

  Hope swallowed hard but managed to say, “That’s twenty years from now. I don’t want to still be having kids when I’m fifty-two.”

  “How’d I get so lucky?” Calder whispered.

  “I think that’s my line.”

  “No way. Hell, I’m lucky Driftwood or Taco didn’t find you first.”

  “Who?”

  “The last two single firefighters from Station 7.”

  “Um…no offense…but they aren’t you. I’m not sure I would’ve wanted anything to do with them. And why are we talking about them and not getting naked?”

  “Good question,” Calder said with a grin. Then he reached down and took hold of the bottom of her shirt. “Arms up.”

  Hope immediately complied, and felt cool air flutter over her naked skin, making her nipples pucker under the cotton bra she’d put on that morning. If she’d known she’d be in Calder’s bed, she would’ve worn something a little more feminine and alluring.

  Before she could think, Calder’s mouth was on the swell of her boob. He nuzzled her cleavage and used his hands to plump her mounds.

  “Fucking perfect,” he murmured.

  “I want to see you too.”

  Calder immediately reached up to pull his shirt off over his head. Of course, he did it the badass alpha-man way, pulling at the back of his neck. He didn’t lift his mouth from her chest until the last possible second, and the moment the shirt cleared his head, his lips were back at her boobs.

  Hope chuckled, but it didn’t distract her from her goal…feeling Calder’s skin under her fingertips. His back felt like one big muscle and he was warm, so warm.

  Calder abruptly sat up, giving Hope the chance to see his chest. He was covered with a light sprinkling of dark hair and she ran her fingers up his pectoral muscles, shivering in delight when his nipples puckered under her touch.

  He reached up and grabbed her wrists, halting her movements.

  Hope pouted. “I wasn’t done.”

  “I need to see all of you,” Calder said gruffly.

  “Only if I get to see all of you in return.”

  Nodding, he swung his leg over the side of the bed and stood next to the mattress. His hands went to the belt around his waist, but his eyes didn’t move from her body.

  Hope immediately mimicked him, undoing the button and zipper on her jeans. She lifted her hips and pushed the denim down and off. Then she reached behind her back and unclipped her bra. She slowly drew it down her arms, prolonging the moment. She reached for her panties, but Calder got there first.

  He was nude, having shoved his underwear down with his jeans. His cock was hard, jutting out from his body as if it were a heat-seeking missile. Hope could see a bead of come on the tip and even though she’d always hated giving head, had the sudden urge to take him in her mouth.

  “If you don’t stop looking at me like that, this is going to be over sooner rather than later,” Calder warned.

  Hope licked her lips and met his gaze. “I’m okay with that if you are.”

  “Not our first time,” he said immediately. “I want to memorize every inch of your beautiful body. I want to taste you. Feel you come undone on my mouth, then on my cock. I want to feel your body squeezing me as I do what I’ve been dreaming about for weeks. Namely, driving inside you while you orgasm.”

  “Calder,” Hope whispered, words beyond her.

  Calder reached over and opened a drawer next to the bed. He pulled out a brand-new box of condoms and ripped it open. He took out a condom and put it on the mattress next to the pillow. Then, protection ready to go for when he needed it, Calder straddled her once more. His hands went to her hips and he asked, “May I?”

  Hope nodded and lifted her hips to help him get her underwear off. He pushed them past her knees, then let her kick them the rest of the way off. He put his hands on the mattress on either side of her body and stared down at her. He didn’t move. Didn’t try
to touch her. Just stared.

  Hope squirmed uncomfortably. The urge to cover herself was strong, but instead, she waited for Calder to do, or say, something.

  Finally, he looked up at her, and she was surprised to see that his eyes were wet.

  “Calder?”

  “You are so fucking beautiful,” he whispered. “I can hardly believe you’re here. I’ll never forget this moment and I’ll never, ever take you for granted. I’ll move heaven and earth to make you happy and to give you everything you want.”

  “I don’t want anything but you,” she told him honestly. “I don’t need stuff. When I lived on the streets, I learned exactly how useless material things could be. They could be stolen, or lost, or broken. Billy was the most important thing to me. When he was taken from me, everything else seemed so petty and stupid. I just need you, Calder. I need you to love me.”

  “I do,” he whispered. Then his hands moved and he was cupping her breasts, his thumbs moving over her nipples, which peaked once more at his touch. “Beautiful,” he moaned before dropping his head.

  Hope arched her back when he took her nipple into his mouth. His teeth bit down gently and his tongue played with the taut point. He used his hand to plump up the mound as he sucked. His cock brushed against her pussy lips and Hope spread her legs wider, wanting him inside her.

  They’d just gotten started and she was soaked. She’d waited for this moment for so long, wanted him for so long, the second he touched her, she melted.

  Calder’s lips left her breast with a pop and he smiled down at her. “Delicious,” he said. Hope rolled her eyes at him.

  He leaned over once more and began to move down her body. He kissed the underside of her breast, then her stomach. Then he nuzzled her belly button, and she laughed when his beard tickled her as he moved.

  Then Calder settled himself between her legs. He put his hands on the backs of her thighs and pressed upward until her feet were flat on the mattress. Then he pushed her legs apart. Hope felt the muscles stretch and knew she’d be sore, but the second his lips touched her pussy, she forgot about everything but the feel of him between her legs.