Shielding Aspen Read online

One week.

  Seven long days. That’s how long it had been since Brain had seen or talked to Aspen. He’d been held in the hospital for four days because of an infection and concern over the swelling of his brain. When he’d gotten back to his house, he’d had a constant stream of guests to look after him…but not the one person he most wanted to see.

  He’d thought about calling her, but didn’t want to risk her hanging up on him before he could say what he needed to. He couldn’t just drive himself to her apartment because he hadn’t been cleared to get behind the wheel of a car until today.

  But what he did have was a lot of time to think.

  Think about what happened down in Houston with Spence. How he’d clearly snapped.

  Brain hadn’t wanted to get into the boat, but he’d done it anyway. It had been stupid to put his back to the man, but he literally had no clue Spence would’ve tried to fucking kill him.

  He’d felt some kind of sixth sense and turned at the last second, only to find the oar coming right at him. Brain hadn’t had time to duck, and he didn’t remember actually getting hit. He’d been immediately knocked unconscious and didn’t recall anything until he’d woken up in the hospital.

  But his friends had been happy to give him all the gory details. He knew he’d been floating facedown in the floodwaters when Aspen had jumped in after him. Brain ached to see her. To apologize. To beg her for forgiveness. But he’d been biding his time, hoping to be one hundred percent better before he went to her. The last thing he wanted was to blurt out more bullshit and ruin his chances of winning her back.

  Brain had no idea if she would even take him back, but he was going to do everything in his power to convince her that he’d been an idiot, and that he loved her.

  And today was the day.

  The memorial for Spence was being held this morning. Under any other circumstance, Brain wouldn’t have gone anywhere near the chapel. The man had tried to kill him, after all. But Grover had told him Aspen was going to attend. He had no idea why she’d want to go, but he did want to support her however he could.

  He’d finally been given approval by the post doctor to drive, so after Brain put on his dress green uniform and the sunglasses he wore because of the constant headache he still had, he climbed into his Challenger and headed for the base chapel.

  The parking lot was full, but not overly so, and Brain easily found a space to park. Taking a deep breath, and knowing the next half hour wasn’t going to be easy, he walked into the chapel.

  It looked like the service had just started, and Brain immediately spotted Aspen. She was also wearing her dress green uniform and was sitting in one of the back pews, behind the rest of the mourners. She sat alone, her spine ramrod straight as she stared at the chaplain.

  Brain slipped into the pew and sat next to her, holding his breath. But other than a quick sideways glance, she didn’t acknowledge him in any way. Not that he thought she’d make a scene; that wasn’t her way. But Brain hadn’t been sure of his reception.

  The next twenty minutes were tough. Listening to the post chaplain praise Spence, talk about what a good man he was and how his death was a great loss to both the Army and his family, was a joke. It was a hard pill to swallow that the man who’d done his best to kill him was being lauded as if he were a hero.

  But finally the service was over. And Brain turned to Aspen. “Hey.”

  “Hi,” she said evenly, no emotion showing on her face.

  “This is the last place I expected you to be this morning,” he said.

  She shrugged.

  Brain took her in. She looked rough. Her face was pale, and she still had circles under her eyes. If he wasn’t mistaken, her heart rate was too fast. He could see it pulsing in her neck.

  “Can we talk?” he blurted, wanting more than ever to take her in his arms and comfort her.

  Aspen nodded, and Brain sighed in relief.

  “But not here,” she said.

  “Of course,” he said immediately, standing and holding out a hand for her.

  To his surprise, she took it.

  He’d never felt relief as great as he did right at that moment. She hadn’t slapped his hand away. Didn’t tell him to get lost.

  He began to hope that maybe, just maybe, he hadn’t lost her forever.

  The second she was standing, Aspen dropped his hand, and Brain tried not to be too disappointed. He gestured for her to precede him out of the pew, and she slipped by him into the aisle. She didn’t indicate in any way that she wanted to wait and talk to Spence’s relatives, which was a relief.

  Once outside, Brain slipped his sunglasses back on his face, wincing at the bright sunlight and how it made his head throb. “Do you want to grab a coffee with me?” he asked, feeling out of his depth and awkward, which he hated.

  But Aspen shook her head. “No. How about meeting back at my place…say in about twenty minutes? That will give me time to get there and change first.”

  Brain nodded immediately. “Sounds good. I’ll run home and change myself, if that’s all right.”

  “Of course. See you soon.” Then Aspen turned away from him and walked to her Elantra.

  Brain had to force himself not to go after her when she staggered a bit, then straightened and unlocked her door. He had no idea what was going on with that small stumble…but he didn’t like it.

  He drove home as fast as he could and threw on a pair of jeans and an olive-green button-down shirt. It was a shirt Aspen had said she liked…before he’d been an idiot and pushed her away. She’d said it brought out the green in his hazel eyes. He was willing to do whatever it took to remind her how good they were together. That at one time, she’d liked him.

  He was five minutes early when he pulled into the parking lot at her apartment, and Brain forced himself to sit there until their arranged meeting time came around. Then he practically jogged into the building and to her apartment. He knocked, then heard her shout that the door was open.

  Frowning at the fact she’d not only left her door unlocked, but that she hadn’t even checked to make sure it was him before telling him to enter, Brain pushed open the door. He shut and locked it behind him, taking a deep breath for courage before walking inside.

  Aspen was sitting on her couch wearing a sweatshirt and cuddled under a fuzzy blanket. He took in the box of tissues, a glass of orange juice, and a stack of books on the table next to the couch, and asked, “Are you sick?”

  Aspen’s lips twitched. “Can’t get anything by you, can I? Sit, Kane. We need to talk.”

  Those four words had struck terror in the hearts of many men over the ages, but Brain had expected them. That was why he was there in the first place. He steeled himself, and instead of sitting in the chair across from the couch, which seemed as if it was too far away, he took a seat on the couch next to her. Not touching, but being this close to her after everything he’d said seemed like a miracle.

  Taking a deep breath, Brain blurted what he’d been thinking for seven long days.

  “I love you.”

  Aspen felt like crap. After leaving the hospital in Houston, she’d been shell-shocked. Hurt, confused, and even a bit angry. The rain had finally stopped and the water had begun to recede. She’d gone back to the tent city, changed into a spare pair of BDUs that she’d brought, helped break down the tents and pack the trucks to go back to Fort Hood.

  She’d kept to herself and spent the ride back to Killeen going over and over everything that had happened. Every muscle she possessed hurt, and she knew she’d have bruises springing up all over her body.

  After helping unload the trucks, Aspen had gone back to her apartment and slept for twenty hours. When she woke, she’d felt even worse than when she’d fallen into bed the day before. She’d called her major and told him she was sick and had slept for another twelve hours.

  After five days, she was finally feeling better, but her body wasn’t quite back up to fighting form. She’d forced herself to get up and go to De
rek’s memorial service, but had planned to come straight home and back to bed.

  Seeing Kane had been a surprise. Even more that he’d sat next to her and asked to talk.

  She was all for that.

  She’d changed into the most comfortable fat pants and sweatshirt she owned and waited with bated breath for him to arrive. It was past time to talk about everything that had happened. Clear the air.

  Kane sat next to her on the couch, and just when she opened her mouth to speak, he blurted out, “I love you. And I’m sorry.”

  Aspen blinked in surprise. “What?”

  “I love you,” he said again, firmer that time.

  Aspen’s heart was beating out of her chest, but she did her best to keep her emotions under control. “Last time I saw you, you broke up with me. I’m getting whiplash from your signals, Kane.”

  He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “I know. And the only thing I have to say for myself is that I wasn’t me in that hospital a week ago.”

  Aspen raised an eyebrow.

  “I know that sounds like an excuse, but it’s not. I’d just woken up, and was confused and depressed and hurting. I was so fucking happy to see you, but then the doctor kicked you out and began to inspect me.”

  “Inspect you?” Aspen asked with a small chuckle.

  Kane’s lips twitched, but he nodded. “You know what I mean. It felt like an inspection. I was relieved when I seemed to remember everything, but when he told the nurse something in Spanish, and she responded…I realized that I couldn’t understand them. It completely freaked me out. Then I realized I didn’t remember any of the languages I’d learned over the years. Not one. The words were just gone. It felt as if I had a hole in my head.

  “Trigger came in, and I told him what was going on. He started asking questions about when and if I’d ever remember, and the doctor said he just didn’t know. That the possibility of me getting that part of my memory back was sixty-forty. I…didn’t handle it well.”

  Aspen snorted. “You think?”

  Kane didn’t smile, he just continued to stare at her.

  “And now? Have you remembered?”

  “Some,” Kane admitted. “Words pop into my head here and there. It’s a little disconcerting, actually, to be talking to someone and the word for ‘red’ or ‘shirt’ or even ‘asshole’ just comes to me.”

  “So that’s why you’re here? Because you’re getting your memory back and you can be the ‘brain’ once more?” Aspen asked, a little harsher than she’d intended.

  “No,” Kane said immediately. “I knew from almost the second you left the hospital that I’d made a mistake. When you left, it was as if you took all the air from the room. Trigger and the rest of the guys also made no bones about the fact that I’d fucked up. I’ve missed you, chérie.”

  Aspen reached toward the end table, picked up her phone and studied it for a second, then looked back at him. “Funny, I haven’t gotten any messages from you. You forget my number?”

  “No. I was afraid you’d block me. Or just not answer. I did have Doc drive me by your apartment the other day. Your car was here, but when I knocked, you didn’t answer. I figured you were avoiding me.”

  “When?” Aspen asked.

  “Three days ago.”

  “I wasn’t here,” she told him. “Apparently, I picked up some nasty infection from sitting in the floodwaters for hours. I cut my hand on something, and all the creepy-crawlies got in that way…that’s what the doctors think, at least. I was really sick a day or so after I got back, and I called Devyn. She came over and drove me to the post doctor. They made me stay the night at the hospital on post before letting me go home. I wasn’t here when you came by, Kane. I would have answered the door if I’d’ve been here.”

  Kane looked alarmed. “Are you all right now? Should you have been out and about today? I should go and let you get some sleep.”

  Aspen reached out and touched Kane’s arm, feeling the same electricity shoot through her hand as she had the first time she’d touched him. “I’m okay,” she said.

  “Fuck,” he swore, grabbing hold of her hand and holding it tightly in both of his. “I had so many antibiotics being pumped into me in the Houston hospital, I guess that helped stave off any major infection I might’ve gotten through the gash on my head.”

  Aspen nodded. “Yeah, I thought about that too. Your head still hurts though?”

  “Now and then, yes. I’ve been wearing the sunglasses to help with that. Every day it’s better, and the doctors say they think now that I’ve started to remember some of the languages I lost, they’ll all come back when the swelling in my brain goes down completely.”

  “I’m glad.”

  “I was surprised you went to Derek’s service,” Kane asked.

  Aspen let him change the topic. “I sat down with my major and told him everything that happened that night. From your hesitation to get into the boat in the first place, how I’d turned when I felt the boat rocking and saw Derek standing there with the oar in his hand, my decision to bail out of the boat after you instead of waiting around to see what Derek would do to me, the way he gunned it out of there, leaving us to our fates. It wasn’t easy, and I was scared he wouldn’t believe me, but he did.

  “He told me that Derek had received a reprimand for his actions in Afghanistan. I hadn’t known about that; no one did, apparently. But it was enough to push Derek over the edge, I guess. He lived and breathed the Army. And somehow, he ended up blaming me for all his own actions. The major said he’d make sure everything that happened was noted. I don’t know where, or who will ever see it, but I felt better knowing the major believed me.

  “Anyway…the bottom line is that Derek paid for his sins. He was a jerk, and discriminatory toward women in general, but for trying to kill you, he paid. Big time. Karma took care of him. I could’ve insisted the major do an investigation, get the Army’s criminal investigation unit involved, but honestly, he can’t be punished any more than he already has been. And there’s little honor in dragging a dead man’s name through the mud.

  “If he was alive? You can bet your ass that I’d be screaming from the rooftops about what he did to you. But now? I’m just tired of it all. Karma did her thing, and I’m taking that as a hint to get on with my life.”

  “So why’d you attend today? It pissed me way the hell off to hear the chaplain going on about what a great person and soldier he was,” Kane said.

  Aspen nodded. “Yeah, that was hard to take. But I wanted to be a better person than Derek was. And I genuinely feel bad for his family. I also hoped it would give me closure on everything that happened.”

  “And did it?” Kane asked.

  “Surprisingly…yeah. I can put it behind me and look forward to my new path in life.”

  “I’m not sure I can put it behind me so quickly,” Kane admitted. “That asshole tried to kill me. And as long as assholes like Derek are allowed to hold leadership positions in the Army, things for women will never change. They can’t be allowed free passes simply because the brass doesn’t want to deal with the waves it’ll make if they’re called out on their behavior.”

  Aspen pressed her lips together. Kane’s words meant the world to her. “I know you’re right, but I just want to move on.”

  Kane stared at her for a long moment, then sighed. “I don’t like it, and I hate that Spence is getting away with what he did…but for your sake, I’m willing to let this go.”

  Aspen started to thank him, but Kane spoke before she could say anything. “But I am going to have a long talk with the major. I know you already talked to him, but I’m sure you downplayed a lot of the shit Spence gave you. Probably reasoned that he wasn’t treating you any differently than he was the others on his team. Which is bullshit. Someone needs to speak up on your behalf, and the behalf of all the women who will come after you, and that someone will be me.”

  “Thank you,” she said quietly. “Because you’re here and safe, I’m
over it, but I can’t help but think about little Annie and how enthusiastic she is about wanting to join the Army, possibly even walk in my footsteps. If having a talk with the major can do even a bit of good for women in the future, I’m okay with it.”

  Kane nodded. Then he looked down at his hands as if he was reluctant to say what he was thinking.

  “What is it?” Aspen asked.

  “I really am sorry for being a dick,” he told her.

  “I know. And I’d already forgiven you a week ago,” she told him honestly.

  “You did?” he asked in surprise.

  “Yeah. Did you really think I was going to just walk away? Kane, I love you. I’ve loved you almost since that first kiss we shared in that bar. There was no way I was going to turn my back on everything we have just because you were throwing a hissy fit. I’d planned on giving you some space, then confronting you when you were well enough to go home. But then I got sick, and my plans were kind of sidelined.”

  “You love me,” he said. It wasn’t a question.

  “Of course I do,” Aspen said.

  “I hurt you.”

  “You did. I’ve never felt such pain in my life as when you told me you needed space. But then I got mad. I’m afraid I thought a lot of bad words about you for a while. And when I finally calmed down enough to think about what happened, I realized that I’d pushed too hard. I was desperate to see you, and I should’ve listened when Trigger told me that you needed some peace and quiet.”

  Kane shook his head. “No, you didn’t do anything wrong. It was all me. You just wanted to see me. The guys told me how you refused to leave my side while I was unconscious. You didn’t eat, shower, sleep. Then the second I woke, I broke up with you.”

  “Tried to break up with me,” Aspen corrected. “I wasn’t going to let you go without a fight. I didn’t give up during training, and I didn’t give up when everyone tried to tell me I couldn’t be a combat medic to a Ranger team. I certainly wasn’t going to give up on you after one little misunderstanding.”

  “I don’t deserve you,” Kane whispered.

  “Wrong. We deserve each other,” Aspen told him. Then she turned her head and coughed into her sleeve.