Finding Carly Page 4

  She squeezed his hand and didn’t let go when she continued. “But even then, I was still terrified. The only place I felt safe was locked inside my apartment, and I knew that wasn’t healthy. Is it crazy that I wish Luke would just make his move already? Do whatever he’s going to do so I can move on with my life?”

  “It’s not crazy,” Jag reassured her. “And believe it or not, what you’re feeling is normal.”

  She rolled her eyes.

  “It is,” he insisted. “You’ve been through a trauma and you have to heal from that before you can move on.”

  “First of all, I didn’t go through a trauma,” Carly said a little belligerently. She removed her hand from his and crossed her arms with a huff. “Kenna did. She suffered in my place and that eats at me. And secondly, I don’t even know why I’m trying to explain. You could never understand.”

  It was the second time she’d said something like that. The first was at Kenna and Aleck’s wedding. She’d said that he wouldn’t understand what it felt like to be vulnerable.

  Jag hadn’t told anyone what happened to him when he was a kid. Not one person. He suddenly had the urge to confide in Carly. Tell her just how wrong she was.

  But instead, he swallowed the words and kept his gaze locked on hers. “You’d be surprised at what I understand,” he told her. “But the bottom line is that you were traumatized by your ex. And I’m not talking only about that night he took Kenna hostage either.”

  Carly stared at him warily. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  “Yes, you do. I don’t know the details, but a man like Shawn doesn’t go from being a model boyfriend to strapping a bomb to his chest to kidnap and torture you in the blink of an eye. And you’re too smart to get involved with someone who treats you like shit. I’m guessing he started out as a good boyfriend. Treated you like a princess. Made you feel great. Then he probably slowly started to change. Make comments here and there that were belittling. Nothing that a quick apology wouldn’t fix.

  “From there, he probably said shit about you to his friends and son behind your back…making you feel uncomfortable when you were around them and they starting looking at you weird. Then those comments might’ve continued when you were right in front of them. He’d say something awful, apologize profusely later. The cycle would continue, may even escalate to him getting physical. I’m guessing that’s when you’d finally had enough. But by then it was too late. Shawn had already decided he owned you. That you were his. And thus the need for the protective order and his descent into bat-shit crazy.”

  Carly’s mouth was open and her arms had uncrossed and fallen into her lap. She stared at him in disbelief.

  “I’m right, aren’t I?” Jag asked.

  “I…Yeah, pretty much,” she whispered.

  Jag reached out and picked up one of her hands again. He held it tightly, resting their hands on the table. “He’s the asshole here, angel, not you. He had something precious and he treated it like shit. He deserved what happened to him, and I’m not in the least sorry that night ended with him being blown to pieces. I hate thinking about what you went through with him, and the fact you had the strength to leave, to tell him to go fuck himself, makes me proud as hell.”

  He watched her swallow hard. “He changed so much,” she said quietly. “I never would’ve dated him if he’d shown me his true colors from the start.”

  “I know,” Jag soothed.

  “I feel so stupid.”

  “You shouldn’t. Not at all. Again, he’s the asshole, Carly. The guy who put you in this position. Remember that, okay?”

  She tilted her head and said the last thing he expected to hear. “Wait, is that a quote from the movie Speed?”

  It was Jag’s turn to look confused. “Um…I don’t think so?”

  “I think it is. It’s right after the old woman got blown up on the steps and smushed by the bus. Annie, the heroine—you know, Sandra Bullock? Anyway, she’s upset and driving the bus and Jack, the hunky Keanu Reeves, kneels by her side and says almost exactly what you just said to me.”

  Jag grinned. “Yeah?”

  “Uh-huh.”

  “And did his words help?”

  A small smile lit up her face. “Yes. She said something like, ‘Yeah, he’s the big asshole,’ or something like that.”

  “I haven’t seen the movie,” Jag admitted.

  Carly’s eyes nearly bugged out of her face. “You haven’t?”

  “No.”

  “Well, that needs to be rectified immediately. You remind me a lot of Jack. Your name even kinda sounds the same. Jag, Jack. He’s brave, selfless, and sometimes funny.”

  “I’m not funny,” Jag said with a straight face.

  Carly giggled.

  The sound shot straight to his heart. He much preferred Carly laughing than looking as stressed out and scared to death as she’d been last night when she’d opened her door.

  Jag squeezed her hand. “You aren’t alone, Carly. You’ve got me. And my team. And Baker. We’re gonna figure this out. Together. Okay?”

  She nodded.

  “But first…you need to finish your breakfast.”

  She snorted. “You have an obsession with me eating,” she muttered as she picked up her fork.

  Reluctantly, Jag let go of her hand and sat back. “The thought of you being hungry doesn’t sit well with me. So yeah, I’m probably gonna be overly obsessed with making sure you’re getting enough to eat for a while, so you should get used to that,” he told her.

  Carly paused with a forkful of eggs halfway to her mouth and asked, “Why do you care so much?”

  “You’ve gotten under my skin, angel. And I kind of like you there,” Jag said baldly before putting a large bite of eggs into his own mouth.

  She stared at him for a beat, before lifting her fork. She chewed and swallowed then admitted softly, “I think I like being there too.”

  They finished their eggs and waffles without any more heartfelt admissions, and Jag had never felt more settled. If this was what Mustang, Midas, Aleck, and Pid felt when they were with their women, no wonder they were so deliriously chipper all the time.

  Jag hated that he’d waited so long to try to help Carly. He’d only guessed that Shawn had emotionally and physically abused her, and when she’d admitted he was right, it had taken everything within him not to leap up from the table and head out to find Luke himself. The man probably knew what his father was doing to Carly and did nothing to stop it. That alone made him a shitbag of the highest order in Jag’s eyes.

  Abusing women was a close second in the worst crimes someone could do to another. The first was the abuse of children. In Jag’s opinion, nothing would ever top that.

  Today, they’d gather intel. He was happy to accompany Carly to the police station. He needed to know what the hell the cops were doing about Luke and what their next steps were. If he didn’t think they were adequate, he and his team, including Baker Rawlins, would take matters into their own hands. He had no idea what that would entail, but he’d do whatever it took to free Carly from the threat still hanging over her head.

  Chapter Four

  Carly sat next to Jag in his Jetta and tried not to panic. She didn’t like being outside. Not in a car. Not at work. Not anywhere. She hated that Shawn and Luke had done that to her. Made her terrified to go about her everyday business.

  As if Jag knew what she was thinking, he reached out and took one of her hands in his. He rested their clasped hands on the console between them.

  It was crazy how he could make her feel protected with such a simple gesture. She wasn’t safe, she knew that. Luke could just as easily take Jag out as he could her. But somehow, Jag’s confidence and the way his eyes constantly scanned his surroundings made her feel as if she at least might have a chance.

  “So…Baker?” she asked after a moment.

  Jag glanced at her, then back at the road in front of him. “What do you want to know?”

&nbs
p; “I heard Kenna talking about him at the wedding, bummed that he wasn’t there. Who is he?”

  “Baker Rawlins is a former SEAL who lives up on the North Shore. He spends his free time surfing.”

  When Jag didn’t say anything else, Carly asked, “And? There has to be more to him than that.”

  His lips twitched. “Well, if you ask the girls, they’ll all tell you how hot he is.”

  Carly’s brows lowered in surprise. “Really? But they’re…not single,” she finished lamely.

  “Well, they claim they’re allowed to look, and that there’s nothing wrong with saying someone is good-looking.”

  “That’s true,” she admitted. “And that’s it? He’s a good-looking former SEAL who likes to surf? And that somehow makes you and your friends want him involved in finding Luke?”

  “No,” Jag said, all teasing gone from his tone now. “He’s deadly as hell. Not a man I’d want to piss off, but who I absolutely want on my side when I’m trying to track down someone who doesn’t want to be found. He’s intense, a little scary, but an honorable man. He was pissed when Kenna was taken hostage. Vowed to find Luke. I’m guessing the fact that he hasn’t yet makes him very much not happy. What do you know about what happened to Monica?”

  Carly blinked at the seemingly abrupt change of topic. She wanted to mention that if Jag thought Baker was scary, she absolutely did not want to meet him—because in reality, he was probably terrifying. Instead, she shrugged and said, “Nothing.”

  “She was kidnapped by a man who used her as bait to lure Baker to the Big Island. The guy used to be on Baker’s SEAL team and was kicked off for being mentally unstable. His plan was for both Monica and Baker to be burned alive by Kailua’s lava flow, but he underestimated his former team leader.”

  “Holy shit,” Carly breathed, squeezing Jag’s hand. “They’re all okay?”

  “If you mean Monica and Baker, yes. The other guy, not so much. He got a dose of his own medicine. My point is, Baker didn’t hesitate to do what needed to be done to make sure Monica was safe. He also flew to New York to meet with frickin’ mobsters to make sure Elodie would be safe from any retribution from a certain family. He should be relaxing in his retirement and worrying about nothing more than surf forecasts, but he’s not. He’s as much a part of our team as the rest of us, even if he’s not active duty anymore.”

  “So, he wants to make sure Kenna’s safe,” Carly said softly.

  “Yes,” Jag said without hesitation.

  For some reason, his answer made Carly’s chest tighten.

  “But also, he wants to mitigate the danger to you, angel,” Jag continued.

  Carly looked over at him, skeptical. “But this Baker guy doesn’t even know me.”

  “Doesn’t matter. He knows you’re important to me, and that until Luke is neutralized, no one is safe.”

  She licked her lips. “Important to you?” She blurted the question without thought. Carly immediately wished she could take it back.

  “Yes,” Jag said, seemingly unconcerned. “I’ve spent every minute of my free time checking up on you and bugging him ceaselessly about what he might’ve found out.”

  Carly honestly wasn’t sure what to say about that. She only knew how his words made her feel. Like she mattered. Like she wasn’t invisible. Like someone cared if she lived or died. All of it made her want to cry.

  As if he realized she needed a moment, he kept talking. “After we meet with the detective, how would you feel about going over to see Kenna? I know she’d love to see you.”

  Carly wanted to say no. Being around Kenna felt…weird now. It was Carly’s fault her friend had been taken hostage and almost blown to pieces.

  “Okay,” she whispered instead, after a long moment.

  “If you need more time, that’s all right, but I know for a fact she misses you terribly,” Jag said gently. “Aleck said she talks about you all the time and complains that work isn’t as much fun as it used to be because you aren’t there. If you aren’t ready to see her, maybe we could go down to Barbers Point and see if Lexie, Elodie, and Ashlyn need any help at Food For All.”

  A pang of longing hit Carly. She wanted to. She really wanted to. But the thought of being out in the open for so long made her heart rate spike. And if she brought attention to her friends, led Luke to any of them, she’d never forgive herself.

  “Look at me, angel,” Jag said in a low tone Carly couldn’t ignore.

  She hated being like this. She missed the outgoing person she used to be. She looked over at Jag and saw him splitting his attention between her and the road.

  “I’m pushing you hard. I know that. But you aren’t alone. You’ve got people who love and care about you. You said you wanted to take your life back, and I want to help you do that. As much as I want to be by your side every minute of every day, I can’t. The last thing I want is you hiding out at my place just as you were in yours.”

  “You think I want that?” Carly asked almost angrily. “I hate feeling scared to step foot outside. I hate being bored out of my mind sitting at home. I miss my friends!”

  “Then let me help you find the old Carly,” Jag said, not upset by her outburst in the least.

  “What if you can’t? What if she’s gone?” Carly whispered.

  “She isn’t,” he said firmly. “She might be changed, but she’s not gone. You’re gonna get through this. Want to know how I know?”

  Carly nodded.

  “Because you want to. That seems simplistic, but when I look into your eyes, I see determination. And anger. And a desire to take back your life. And believe me when I say that many people who go through a trauma don’t have that. They sometimes lose themselves. But not you. You can do this, Carly. It won’t be easy. God, I wish I could tell you that it’s just a matter of thinking positive, but it’s so much more than that. It’s struggling every day to overcome the demons in your head that are trying to tell you it’s safer to hide out. It’s forcing yourself to do things that scare you. It’s leaning on your friends when you think you can’t continue by yourself. You can do this, angel. I believe in you.”

  Carly swallowed hard and let his words sink into her psyche. She needed to hear that. Well, not the part about things being hard, but the rest of it.

  And something else struck her right then…

  Jag spoke as if he knew firsthand what he was talking about. As if he’d gone through something similar.

  But that couldn’t be right. He was the strongest person she knew. What could he have experienced that was anywhere near what she’d gone through? She didn’t think being targeted by someone who wanted to kill him was it; being a SEAL made him a target every time he went on a mission, didn’t it? Had he been a POW? Tortured?

  Carly realized at that moment that she didn’t really know Jag. She knew he was trustworthy, that he’d been there when she needed him. But she didn’t know even the basic stuff about him. Where he grew up. If he had siblings. Why he’d joined the Navy in the first place.

  And not knowing those things made her frown. Suddenly she wanted to know everything about this man. She’d relied on him over the last few months. Realizing only now how selfish she’d been. “Jag?”

  “Yeah, angel?”

  “I…okay.”

  He looked over at her in concern. “Okay?”

  She nodded. “I can do this. I’m not going to let Shawn win.”

  “That’a girl,” he said with pride.

  “But can we wait and see how the visit with the detective goes before we make other plans? Can we take Operation Bring Back Carly in baby steps?”

  Jag chuckled. “Yeah, angel. We can. And I’m sorry, I tend to get a little focused when there’s something I want.”

  He glanced over at her again—and Carly stopped breathing at seeing the look of interest and intensity in his gaze. When he looked back at the road, she felt as if she could breathe again. Good Lord, Jag was lethal.

  Yet, she couldn’t help the spar
k of contentment deep inside that he’d looked at her that way.

  Determination rose within her once again. She felt as if she was on a roller coaster with her emotions changing so much. One second she was terrified, then she was angry, then she wanted to cry…and now she was wondering how she could maybe attract Jag so he’d like her as much more than a friend.

  It was confusing and tiring, but for the first time in months, Carly felt alive. As if maybe, just maybe, she had a future. Even in death, Shawn had taken that from her for a while. But she was going to do her best to move on. Put Shawn behind her. And the first step was demanding the detective talk to her about her case. Tell her what he’d found out about Luke, if anything. What he learned would hopefully help her go forward.

  Without Jag by her side, Carly had a feeling she never would’ve gotten up the courage to take this trip to the station. But he was there, and she felt stronger as a result. Squeezing his hand in gratitude, Carly did her best to relax against the seat.

  Today felt like the first day of the rest of her life. She had no idea where she’d go from here, but it had to be better than cowering in a corner of her bedroom. Peeking over at Jag, she marveled again that he was with her. Holding her hand. Calling her angel.

  She wanted this man for her own. He was nothing like Shawn, and she knew that down to the bottom of her soul. But she wanted to be a better woman for him. He deserved someone who wasn’t scared all the time. Someone he could be proud of.

  That thought alone gave her something to fight for. Jag was worth it, and she wanted to believe she was too.

  Her positive thoughts lasted until she sat down in an interrogation room at the Honolulu Police Station downtown and was forced to wait for Detective Lee. The longer he made them wait, the more nervous Carly got. It didn’t help that Jag was pacing back and forth impatiently. He was obviously not happy about having to wait either.

  After an entire hour, the detective finally came into the room. “I’m sorry to keep you waiting.”

  Carly opened her mouth to say it was all right, but Jag spoke first.